adhd and me

And on the 18th day of October, I learned that it’s ADHD Awareness Month…which is so fitting.

ADHD is a unique experience to each individual. My experience may resemble yours or someone you know, but it’s not a one-size-fits-all diagnosis. It’s my belief that there are many factors (environmental, biological, and societal) that impact how ADHD symptoms present and the severity of those symptoms. This is also partly because half of all ADHD folks have another condition, commonly known as comorbidities, such as depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), and learning disabilities. These are considered to be secondary to the ADHD diagnosis but these supporting actors can create various treatment challenges.

My diagnosis story

I was diagnosed at the ripe age of 30, mere months away from my wedding. I returned to talk therapy during the COVID lockdowns, as many others did. Unlike other ADHD folks, it’s rare for me to be tardy because I’m way too anxious to be late to things. I’ve inherited this moral belief that I will be seen unfavorably if I’m late to an appointment or gathering, even just once. So since I’m a people-pleaser, I regularly appear on-time or early, which back then included my virtual therapy appointments. Until one evening, after a particularly stressful day, I finally had a quiet, mundane moment while changing the bedding in my guest room when suddenly I had this strange, painful feeling in the pit of my stomach that there was something I forgot to do. My mind finally found the answer and I felt the spirit leave my body. My therapy appointment started 20 minutes ago and now I was a no-show. My heart rate skyrocketed and my mind was in full-panic mode. I grabbed my phone, saw a text from my concerned therapist, and logged into the meeting. She finally saw me displaying the evidence of my emotional disregulation, panicked anxiety, disorganized executive functioning and before the end of our call she recommended that I seek a formal ADHD diagnosis.

It took a minute but I eventually found a Mental Health Nurse Practitioner who was accepting new patients and could see me virtually. After a one-hour intake appointment, I received my diagnosis and some meds. I started first with meds to treat my anxiety and depression, which was tremendously helpful but did not support my executive functioning. From there we played medication roulette to see which med combinations worked for me. Maybe I’ll share more about my meds experience another time. Therapy however has been a crutch that has supported this very intense time in my life.

What I wish I knew

Your diagnosis should come with a manual or at least a list of required reading, especially if you’re late diagnosed like me. If you’re new to this, maybe this will help you.

1. There is going to be a multi-step grieving process (and you’ll probably recycle through it..multiple times)
   Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance : all the emotions you may feel after you’ve received your diagnosis. I expected that my life would only get easier post-diagnosis and had no idea what chaotic roller coaster ride I was in store for. And I’m still on it and I may always be on it. But each turn gets a little gentler. Here’s a bit about the cycle

2. It WILL become your entire personality for a while. Don’t apologize for it. You’re learning and unlearning a lot of things about yourself.
   If your FYP is not on ADHD Tok then you’re probably still in the denial stage. You just found out some huge news about yourself that debunks all of the theories and negative identities you had affixed to your personality and life, so please make no apologies if this becomes your new hyper fixation and conversational topic du jour. Think of this point in your life where an identity crisis and an awakening meet. It’s exciting, scary, confusing, frustrating, and full of self-reflection.

3. If you’re not in routine therapy, you really should be.
   And I’m not talking about some bullsh*t scam where someone with no training or recognized accreditation calls themself an ADHD life coach and takes your precious money. Call your insurance provider and ask them to walk you through your mental and behavioral services. Find some LCSWs in your area through the provider’s search tool or post anonymously in your town/area Facebook group. You don’t necessarily have to see someone who specializes in ADHD, but you can certainly work towards that. I have a few therapists in my repertoire, all with different therapy focuses (Talk, CBT, and one ADHD group) and I get the benefits of all while working towards the same goal.

4. Read and study as much as you can. You should become an expert on ADHD so you can understand just how it impacts you and how you can tackle it.
   This is as much a student phase as it is an experimental phase. Since you’re making ADHD your new identity, this will come naturally. Maybe you’ll try medications, vitamins, and/or supplements. There are books on every topic, articles, Tiktoks (beware of the influencer coaches, but it’s still a great way to find community). How does ADHD impact you personally, professionally, and socially?

5. There are other impacts to the severity of your symptoms - like diet, exercise, sleep.
   Get a physical and blood work done with your primary care physician and review the results with your behavioral health team as well as other physicians or medical teams (OBGYN, nutritionist). Figure out what your sensory issues are and experiment with ways to support your needs. Determine what foods your body and mind need to stay strong and focused and which foods/ingredients are saboteurs.

6. Change is slow and steady
   See topic number 1 again about the grieving process. There will be moments when you feel you’re making strides, moments of set backs, and more often than not, moments you feel like you are going at a tortoise pace. Try to remember that it’s not a race, that there’s no deadline, and it’s not about ‘recovery’. This is your life and your brain forever. This is your disability. You have to acknowledge and accept who you are (strengths and weaknesses), what you need, and above all to give yourself a f*cking break.